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When the child says "I am bored," TA does not need a toy that you messed in.
When the child ran to you and said bored, did you push him away and said that my job was not to make you happy, or to take a toy and send them away? Katie Hurley, the columnist of mom.me, sympathizes with these children. She believes that there are many emotional needs behind "boring" that deserve your attention.
This article is compiled, with some abridgements.
But when the child is on holiday, how tired the accompanying child is, how to help the child to send a boring topic will appear in the circle of friends. Some traditional parents think that you have to let the children solve this problem themselves, because "my job is not to make them happy." In the face of children saying "boring", usually their response is: "You have a lot of toys, go play yourself" to send the children. Whenever I hear these words, I feel uncomfortable.
Some time ago, I had a perfect 10-day holiday with my child. In the eyes of outsiders, this is almost impossible, because my husband is on a business trip, the nanny has also taken sick leave, and even worse, on the 4th day of the vacation, my little daughter and I are sick and can only stay. Play at home. My coughing and sneezing children spend a lot of time playing freely every day. Pretending to go to the African grasslands to observe the life of wild animals, open a restaurant, build a summer house by the beach... Many times, I found the children reading together. They played with their eyelids and pulled them down, but they never said the words that made parents most afraid - "It’s boring."
They are not perfect children, but they know how to spend their time at home, knowing that when they have nothing to do, they can come to Mom and Dad, I am always willing to accept their invitation to play with them.
Parents’ work is to guide children and provide love and support to their children.
When childhood is short, the child’s mood will rise and fall. Sometimes they do feel bored. Is the job of parents to entertain children every day? Of course not, the job of the parents is to guide the children and provide them with unconditional love and support.
We often recall the past through rose-colored glasses: How do our parents raise us? Let the children play outside and call home to eat, every day.
But when we raise children according to childhood memories, we have missed a lot of details. For example, my mother didn't stare at the phone screen every day. There is no iPad in her pocket, they will not always pay attention to the update of the circle of friends. The times have changed, and so is the way of tutoring. Past memories may help us on certain issues, but we need to raise children in a way that is right for the moment.
N boring words of "boring"
There may be a lot of hidden meaning behind "I am bored." In my psychological clinic, this situation occurs far more than you think.
Some children feel that there is not enough contact with Mom and Dad. "I am bored" is a sentence that tries to attract attention. Before you say the hurtful answer, think about what your child meant when he said this.
Sometimes, "I am bored" is to accompany me, "I want to be with you." He needs his parents to spend more time. The child is afraid that his request will be rejected and may use "boring" to euphemistically express the request. Before you reject your child's request, please think about how you feel when you are bored, lonely, introverted, helpless... you will understand your child more easily.
"I am bored" may also express: "I don't know what to do." Today's children are educated earlier than ever. From the time of the toddler, the child will participate in many remedial classes, activities and other rich courses. They are busy with classes and lack sufficient free time. If you never have a chance to figure out how you spent your time, how can you know when to do it?
Don't throw your child aside and look for answers alone, try to provide some guidance. Talk about what you like to do when you are free, and talk about what other family members will do. Many times, talking about other people will encourage your child to come up with his own plan.
Children are masters of emotions
"I am bored" may also say: "I am sad / scared / anxious."
When children are not taught how to distinguish, describe and deal with their emotions, they almost always use "I am bored" or "I am tired" to hide the true feeling. Quiet time is a great thing for young children, but it can also bring strong emotions. Every week, children are busy playing, attending activities, going to school, playing games, and only when they are free, they have time to think about their emotions.
When the children finally fell asleep, you ended up with a long list of work, releasing your tiredness and just want to take a break. Children's emotions are similar to adults. They hide sad things in their hearts and leave space for happy things. But sad emotions always come back, usually when they have time to think.
Before you hear the phrase "I am bored" and get caught off guard, try to start a conversation about emotions, talk about the school, listen to anecdotes on the baseball field, and so on.
Parents need to change their thinking, maintain a positive attitude, and focus on the growth of children. Yes, children can benefit from “boring timeâ€, they can learn to imagine, daydreaming, and endless thinking. But this generation of busy children may need a little guidance to learn to make better use of their free time.
This is the work of parents.